I never really bought the idea of “finding love.” It’s
closely tied with the idea of love at first sight. You
meet someone and you fall in love, hence finding the
love. Yet, I don’t think I’ve ever actually heard
anyone say they fell in love at first sight. Sure, on
TV and in movies, it happens all the time, but have
you ever heard anyone tell you that they personally
fell in love at a first glance? And if that person has,
was it still love three years later?
There clearly are people that believe themselves to
be in love at first sight, or at least claim to be;
however, it rarely ends up working out. Yes, people
fall in and out of love all the time, but that’s only
because people believe that love is something to be
found – a tangible thing that exists as an entity on
its own. That it’s something that can be lost just as
easily as it was found.
This is such a sad definition of love. How can true
love, something that is supposed to be the most
beautiful, most perfect thing in the world, be so
faulty? This definition of love makes love fickle and
therefore imperfect. Logically, this can’t be the
correct definition. Love can’t both be the most
beautiful, and if the ancient Greek philosophers
were right, therefore perfect thing in the world and
simultaneously be flawed. Our definition of love is
contradictory and, for this reason, wrong. We’ve
been going about romantic love all wrong since the
day romantic love was invented.
This is probably where we should start. How is it
that romantic love didn’t always exist? It certainly
isn’t because romantic love naturally existed, but
people simply couldn’t find a word for it. And it
wasn’t that people were never able to “find” it. No.
It didn’t exist until the day that we invented it,
until the day that we created it. Love was never and
is never found; it is only created. Love doesn’t exist
unless we allow it to exist.
A few hundred years back (and even much more
recently than that) marriage was basically a
transferal of property – it was a strategic play that
ensured your family’s wealth or, at the very least,
decreased the likelihood of your family starving to
death. Marriage back then was a necessity – you
needed to partner up to survive the world and you
needed to follow whatever religion was forced upon
you, which, of course, required you to get married,
procreate and give birth to future followers. Not
until people doubled their life expectancy and raised
their standard of living did they decide that there
should be more to marriage than just a business
This all seems foreign to us because love does feel
like the most natural thing in the world – it feels
like nature itself. I’d argue that love is the most
natural thing in the world. As animals, living
creatures, we are capable of loving. However,
romantically loving is a whole different story.
Romantic love is love with a twist. What’s the twist?
The twist is all that our consciousness does to
change the way that we perceive what we are
experiencing. Our minds have either evolved or
grown accustomed to the concept of romantic love.
Maybe it’s because we see it throughout our lives
everywhere we look, in every crevice of pop culture.
Maybe it’s because our minds now understand that
romantic love is the highest possible level of
perfection that one could ever achieve – something
that combines the purity of love with the raw
passion of physical sexuality. Or maybe it’s because
we know that it’s achievable. We know that our minds
can create it and make us feel it and because we
know how great it feels, we yearn to experience it
Just because romantic love exists only in our minds
doesn’t mean that it isn’t real. In fact, it’s just as
real as anything else that we experience. We
experience the outside world through our senses and
emotions. Likewise, we experience love through our
senses and emotions. There is no difference
between what we experience as real and what we
would experience were we to be hallucinating – in
fact, that’s what love basically is: a hallucination.
And it’s the best damn hallucination people could
hope to never rid themselves of.
You don’t find love, you hallucinate it – you create it
in your mind. So guess how you keep the love alive?
By continuing to hallucinate. You don’t allow your
mind to stop loving. This is easy early on when we
have less information about a person and fewer
memories with them. Great memories and thoughts
will continue to keep the illusion of romantic love
alive, but bad experiences, bad thoughts and bad
memories will make you incapable of seeing that
person under the same light, and therefore incapable
of loving them.
Of course, our minds can do just about anything. The
problem is controlling them. You can make yourself
continue believing that you are in love, but how easy
or difficult that will be depends on how easy or
difficult your relationship makes it for you. The best
of relationships are those that function well and only
require each individual putting his or her ego aside
and focusing on the needs of the other.
The less than great relationships have a lot of
problems that result in unhappy memories, which will
affect thoughts and decision-making. A lot of which
we perceive is out of our control. Mix that in with
the fact that people make poor decisions from time
to time and aren’t infallible creatures, you get
romantic relationships that die out.
It’s rather quite tricky because although our
definition of romantic love encompasses perfection,
we, as creatures, are inherently flawed. Therefore,
whenever we find ourselves in love, the love itself
will also be flawed. It will never reach that perfect
state. That is why if we want to stay in love, we
have to aim for that perfect loving relationship
regardless of how many times we fail.
We have to understand that the ideal love doesn’t
exist, but refuse to settle for anything less. As long
as we understand that we don’t find love, but that we
create it we can always make love work. Love is a
decision, not an accident. Choose to love and then
refuse to let it slip away.
What’s your views guys?
What’s Your Views Guys?
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