Six Dangers of Online Dating


I am never a fan of internet dating but I don’t know why, I’ve hard more internet dates that physical ones in my life. So if there’s anyone to examine this topic, and do it well, it me.

Yes, at least one of my best friends found her fabulous fiancé online. And if you live in a small town, or fit a specific demographic (e.g., woman over 45, ultra-busy businessperson, sugar daddy, sneaking around your spouse),
online dating may expand opportunities for you. But for the rest of us, we’re much better off meeting real live humans
eye-to-eye the way nature intended. Here are six reasons
why:

1. It’s easy to be fooled by inaccurate signals
online.

Do you think you’re beautiful? What most people call
“beauty” is actually evolution’s very thorough system of
broadcasting our suitability as a mate. Clear skin, good
posture, broad shoulders, sonorous voice, bright eyes, shiny
hair, graceful movements, pleasant aroma, facial symmetry,
articulate speech: evolution has engineered features such
as these into us to signal health, fertility, strength and
intelligence.
When you go online, instead of seeing a person up-close,
hearing him speak and watching her move, what you get is a
blurry, postage-stamp size series of static photos which
cannot be heard, felt, or smelled. You also get a fair amount
of a person’s writing, which has had no part in the eons of
evolution of mate selection.
Most important of the missing signals may very well be
smell, which some scientists believe underlies most of
male-female attraction — what literally constitutes sexual
chemistry. Studies show that we sense immune
compatibility through smell — one way in which evolution
decides whether two people should have kids together or
not. This compatibility is vital to the viability of offspring,
so it’s bypassed at our peril.
So when you go online, you’re subverting a process that has
worked just fine for propagating the human species for the
past 3 million years. Add to that the fact that pictures can
easily lie about age, complexion and physique, and you’ve got
yourself a lot of inaccurate signals to go on. Which brings us
to our second point.

2. You can waste a lot of time online chasing what you don’t want.
Here’s the timeline of a typical online courtship for a guy:
He sees a profile of a woman he likes. He writes her. A day or
two later, he gets a response. An online correspondence
ensues. If she’s receptive, the conversation moves to email after a few exchanges.
If her interest continues, they speak on the phone, and begin to plan a meeting. A week or two later, after anywhere from three to 10 or more points of online- and
phone contact, they meet in person. And it turns out that
she has bad skin (which didn’t show in the flatteringly lit
photos) or her butt is gigantic (which didn’t show in her
waist-up photos), or he’s 6 inches shorter than advertised
— or some other insurmountable shortcoming that could
have been ascertained in the first 30 milliseconds of an in-
person encounter.
In an instant, all those hours spent on witty emails, all of
that effort to be charming on the phone, learning all about
him or impressing her go whoosh! down the toilet. And worst of all, you kinda feel like a fool for building it all up in your mind for naught.
You’re never getting those two weeks back again. So save yourself some time, and meet people in person before you decide to pursue.

3. Online sites present an unhelpful excess of
choice.

The central premise of Barry Schwartz’s 2003 book The
Paradox of Choice: Why Less is More — which everyone
should read — is that more choice does not make us
happier. More choice actually makes us more miserable.
Why? First, it makes the selection process burdensome.
Picking one jam out of three possible tasty choices is easy.
Picking one out of 43 is well-nigh torture. Second, it causes
us to second-guess any decision that we do render. I got
the blue Prius, but should I have gotten the red one? Or
maybe a Nissan Leaf instead?
Online dating sites are a classic case of too much choice. A
search on a major site for matches in your city may yield
thousands of results. So much possibility! Or so it may seem.
So which ones do you pursue? The good-looking ones that,
because everyone else is also pursuing, never respond (see
section above on wasted time)?
If you’re a good-looking woman online, you’re probably
inundated by unwanted attention. Let’s say you pick seven
good ones out of the pile of hundreds. If all seven of them
say yes — then what? If you pick one, will you always
wonder how the other six would have turned out? This
feeds right into the next issue:

4. Irrelevant information presented out of
context can pre-empt a good match.

I’ve been writing and speaking on courtship for over 10
years now, and I’m always curious about how married
couples first met. One of the most common responses I get
from the women is, “Y’know, I really didn’t like him that
much when we first met.”
Really. So all that stuff about instant chemistry, butterflies
in the stomach, the earth shaking underneath your feet are
bogus? Turns out they’re not nearly as important as you
think for a successful long-term relationship. Especially if
you’re a woman, you have the useful gift of eventually
finding attractive a man who makes you feel good,
regardless of how good he actually looks. Ladies — nod if
you’ve ever ended up dating a guy whom you initially thought
was kind of a troll, and had a fabulous time anyway.
The problem with online dating is that it puts right up front
and center a whole bunch of extraneous information that
could derail a potentially lovely relationship. When we’re
online, because of the overabundance of choice, we’re in
zero tolerance death-sort mode, tossing out contenders at
the slightest provocation. Obsessed with the Cubs? Ew.
Watches Jersey Shore? Spare me. Listens to Kenny G?
Delete.
And so you may nonchalantly toss out the woman who
makes a mean ravioli and really knows how to perk you up
after a hard day at work, or the guy with iron hands to
knead your tight back muscles into putty who’d make a great
dad. All because you saw some randomass information first
that tripped your prejudice button and precluded a beautiful
connection with a person of character — the most
important quality in a mate, which is difficult to convey via
a profile.

5. People online behave more rudely than they do in person.
Have you noticed how much sheer hatred and incivility there
is online? Under the mask of e-anonymity, people have no
compunctions about flaming one another with scathing
remarks that they would never dare deliver in person.
Why is there such a discrepancy between online and in-
person behavior? Animals have evolved mirror neurons to
literally feel one another’s emotional state. Mirror neurons
are the physiological basis for compassion, and they’re
simply not activated in online interaction.
As a result, it becomes easy to dismiss summarily a message
that an admirer has invested time, effort and emotion to
craft in fervent hopes of gaining your attention. A man who
would never be ignored in person can be blown off
hundreds of times online. And, as the authors of the book
Freakonomics pointed out, over 90 percent of men on
dating sites never end up meeting a woman. Near-certain
disappointment that you have to pay for doesn’t sound like
a fun party to me.

6. Strangers with low accountability can get
away with antisocial behavior.

When you go online, there’s no guarantee of anyone having a
back-connection into your social network. It’s the wild
west, baby, and anything goes. Especially in a big city,
people will do bizarre, rude things under the cover of
unaccountability. Stories abound about the girl who ordered
everything on the menu at an expensive restaurant, or the
guy who showed up to the date already drunk and
proceeded to hit on the waitress — or far worse.
Even though they make great stories in retrospect, these
are not experiences that you need to have even once per
lifetime. Going out with people whom you implicitly know and
trust keeps you safe and reduces the chances of weird
shit happening to you.

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10 tips to keeping a healty relationship


Men complain that women don’t make sense. Women
complain that men don’t make sense. Even after
hanging with so many men like my father,
grandfather, godfather, brother and my brother’s
friends, I still can’t quite comprehend how a man’s mind works However, I’ve heard enough women complain to know some things guys repeatedly do wrong. Here are 10 tips on what men must learn in a relationship about women.

Remember important dates.
Unless her religion requires her not to celebrate
these days, remember annual anniversaries,
birthdays and company celebrations. If it’s been a year since she’s made partner at her job, she will be impressed that you congratulated her on a job well done. Regardless of her not wanting to get older, a birthday card and a gift wouldn’t hurt, even if it’s not a luxurious gift. Anniversaries are something to
celebrate—it takes a lot of work to make a
relationship work, so this celebration is for you both
sticking it out. If you’re spending New Year’s Eve
or Valentine’s Day without her, she’ll probably
question how much you really like her considering
these days are notorious for couples to be together.
It’s an extremely bad move to spend couples’
holidays with your friends in a Chicago sports bar
downtown watching the game unless she works in the Loop too and you’re waiting to meet her afterwards.

Don’t turn into a stranger.
Physically, people are destined to change, but
mentally the changes should be improvement and
growth. However, keep in mind the man you were
when you first met her. If you were sending her
flowers every Tuesday, 30 years later you’d get
major kudos for still sending those Tuesday
chrysanthemums. If you were calling her and having
three-hour conversations, five minute phone calls
followed by two days of not calling or not wanting to
pick up the phone at all won’t work. If you smelled
like Diesel cologne when she first met you, but now
you smell like dirt and car oil, head to the nearest
Carson Pirie Scott after you take a shower. If you
turned into a different person once you got her, she
may regard the man she met initially as your
representative. That hurts the relationship because
if she fell in like or love with the man you
introduced yourself to be and you suddenly turn into
someone else, you may as well be a stranger to her.
Listen to Tamia’s song “Stranger In My House” to
hear how women regard changes in a relationship.

Make time for her.
If you spend more time at work or with your friends
than you do with her and there’s a way you can
negotiate the two but you choose not to, you and her
will have problems. There are women who want to hog
up all of your time and want you to disassociate
yourself from your friends, but assuming she’s not
that territorial and just wants quality time, try your
best to give it to her. Buying her gifts isn’t going to
do it, at least not for the less materialistic woman.
She wants to see your face, feel your body, and have
a conversation with you. If you can make time to
hang out with your friends, why not make time to be
with your lady?
Say “thank you” when she does something nice.
Both men and women tend to take each other for
granted in a relationship, and when someone does
something regularly, it can sometimes seem less
special. However, think about something she does for
you regularly that she doesn’t really have to do but
does it to help you out.

Thank her for it.
Manners matter a great deal in any relationship, but sometimes a woman just wants to know she’s being acknowledged.

Keep your hands to yourself.
Although this one may seem obvious, there is no
reason whatsoever that a man, especially someone
who is noticeably stronger, should put his hands on a woman. There are men who say if a woman acts like she can take him on, then she should be treated
equally. Realistically, a man can restrain a woman
without hitting her. If you are in a relationship with
a woman who is abusive, leave.

Don’t let a woman take advantage of you for being a gentleman.
You deserve someone who can hold a conversation
without destroying your property or putting her
hands on you. Leave that woman with her copy
of “Waiting to Exhale” and single. If you have to call
the police to get her to stop, so be it. Assault and
battery are not men’s crimes only.

Listen when she talks.
Men complain a lot about women blabbing their
mouths too much, but sometimes they repeat the
same complaints because you weren’t listening the
first time. Actually listen to repeat nagging and nip
it in the bud. If you don’t agree with her, stand your
ground until this discussion comes to an end and let
her know you’re not budging on the topic eternally.
But if you’re going to be cooperative, hear her out.
If she’s tired of you Chicago stepping with other
women on the dance floor at Mr. G’s, how about
teaching her your moves?

Don’t cut off the affection.
We hear about women who cut off sex or give a man
the silent treatment to teach him a lesson, but it
bothers her as much as it bothers you. A woman likes
affection from her man, and when she feels like he
doesn’t want to touch her, it can make her feel
insecure about herself and/or the relationship. If
you’re really not in the mood for sex, at least roll
over and cuddle with her. Making her feel bad about
not being in the mood for sex while you’re cuddling is
also a downer. There may be times when both parties
are tired, but don’t give her an ultimatum of sex
with cuddling or neither. She may grow to resent you
because of that kind of pressure.

Pay attention to her outside male friends.
When a woman is not getting the attention she needs
from her man, she will look for that attention
somewhere else. If she has male friends, make sure
you’ve met them. Pay attention to her body language
and conversation around these guys. Men and women
can be platonic friends, but it’s generally a good idea
to be your woman’s best friend as well as her lover,
and if she has a closer friend than you, you might
want to have a talk with her about the direction in
your relationship. Platonic friends will be respectful
of the relationship and will probably want to befriend
you too or at least be polite to you to avoid having to
cut the friendship off for good. Don’t take on an
accusatory tone, but it’s nothing wrong with being
concerned. However, it’s not a good idea to demand
she cut lose long-time platonic friends who have
been with her way before you came along just like
you wouldn’t want to give up your own friends for
her.

Be weary of asking for advice from your friends who have no girlfriends or wives.
While the only two people who fully know each other
are the two people in the relationship, when you tell
a story to your guy friends (or even female friends),
keep in mind that you’ll usually make yourself look
good in the story. So when your friends come back
cheering you on for your decision and wagging a
finger at your woman’s actions, take it with a grain
of salt. You know you haven’t told the whole story.
And if they don’t have girlfriends or wives of their
own, remember misery loves company. Listening to
different perspectives doesn’t hurt, but don’t make
anybody’s opinion the final say. The only person who
truly knows what your actions should be is you. Step
back from the situation and imagine yourself as the
woman in the relationship. Would you be okay with
your actions then? Remember the old saying about
treating people the way you want to be treated?
Be honest even if you know it’ll cause conflict.
Holding in your emotions from her can leave her
confused and vulnerable. If you love her, tell her. If
you like her, tell her. If you want to see other
people, tell her. If the date just didn’t go well and
you’re just not that into her, be a man about it and
tell her. She deserves to know that she’s not the
one for you so please don’t string her along. Sooner
or later, your true feelings are going to come out, so
you may as well be honest (in a courteous way) with
her at all times instead of letting her find out the
hard way. Otherwise you’ll make her into a
detective, and there’s nothing more annoying than a woman whose side job is an unpaid employee of the Police Department investigating everything
you say or do.

So that’s it pals, Keep coming for more and you can add more by comment below. Love y’all.

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Why you shoudn’t engage in Inter-office relationships


Interoffice relationships should pretty much be
banned, rather than frowned upon. People get
themselves mixed up in these situations
because we tend to spend the bulk of our days
at the office. It’s easy to develop a work crush,
but how you handle it makes all the difference.
If your career is important to you, you should
probably avoid this diabolical situation at all
costs, as it can get very messy, very quickly.
Should you choose to embark on this path of
inter-office sexual relations, here are some tips
you should consider:

Don’t Tell Coworkers
Everyone loves a secret, but no one knows how
to keep it. In this situation, the less people
that know about your interoffice romance, the
better. The last thing you want is for your
philandering to fall victim to office gossip.
So, instead of offering up your relationship on
a silver platter to the chatty Cathys of your
cubicle, make sure you and your partner discuss
logistics and really get a game plan together in
order to avoid that painfully awkward and
embarrassing conversation with your boss.

Do Not Date Your Superior
Dating the boss is never a good idea for many
reasons. You never want to give another person
control over you (unless, of course, it’s in the
bedroom and you’re into that sort of thing).
This can jeopardize advancements in your
career within your current group and within the
company as a whole because you are mixing
business with pleasure.
Even if it’s public knowledge that you are
involved with one another, you then risk the
notion that you may be receiving special
treatment due to your situation.

Boredom Sets In
If you’re seeing someone every single day of the
week AND spending your weekends together, you
definitely run the risk of becoming bored with
the relationship.
Dating outside your work circle allows open
communication about your day-to-day, maybe
some funny stories about coworkers and that
promotion you have been inquiring about;
dating within your work circle does not.
A coworker is there experiencing it all with you.
Plus, you have to be careful about what you
blab; if you ask me, that’s a lot of effort
especially when wanting to vent to your partner
without reservation.

The Jealousy Factor
Your partner hires a pretty young thing and now
all you can think about is their sexual tension
and bonding over late night meetings and
PowerPoint presentations while you’re not
around. That will not only affect your
performance, but it can cause tension between
you and your other half.

The Dreaded Break-Up
So you call it quits. Good luck playing dodge ball
in the halls, pretending not to see each other in
plain sight and if you do, mastering the art the
“I didn’t even see you there” look. This gets
awkward for not only the two of you, but also for
everyone around you.
It forces coworkers to choose sides, you lose
credibility with others depending on what side
of the story is being telephoned around the
cubicles, and if it gets to be too much, you run
the risk of getting fired.
Getting ready in the morning becomes a
challenge, needing to look amazing to make your
ex feel awful for dumping you, and God forbid
you start dating someone new and your ex finds
out — now that’s an awkward weekly team
meeting.
So the next time you spot someone in the
office lookin’ good…look the other way. Expand
your social dating circle outside the elevator
banks or face any and all of the hypothetical
situations above.
You’ve been warned!