The Lagos Bus Conductors

The traditional Molue which in yoruba means “I’ll Beat You”

Haha! Lagos again! If you’ve been in lagos for years and you’ve never met a mad bus conductor, then you need to relocate *Laughs* 🙂 even if you father is rich, one day, your car will break down and you will need a commuter bus to get to where you are going (plain truth)

Today on Lagos Wahala, am taking a look at the categories of lagos commuter bus conductors we have and I hope you’ve met them all and find it interesting.

1) The Gentleman Conductor – They are rare to see them, but ehya, think again, its cause you don’t know how to identify them. If you see an Ibo boy who’s new to Lagos and speaks too much english in the bus, that’s a gentleman conductor. They are mostly fresh meat in the business with cool voices and slow attitude to work. Most importantly, they usually drop cash for bus-stop hoodlums since they can’t argue or even fight

2) The One-Eyed Sunday Conductor – Ha! In secondary school, we read a book titled One-Eyed Sunday and I think the name speaks for itself. These are the experienced yoruba boys opposite in nature to the Gentlemen. Their voice are like Louis Armstrongs own, so thick that you can’t differentiate if he’s speaking or squeaking. They usually know how to start a clash as abuses aren’t far from their mouth. They are the troublesome ones. Point a N1000 note to him on a monday morning and he will roast you alive,

    “You no hear when I say enter with change? Oga park well o, I no be ashawo”

3) The Over-Intelligent conductor – Hahaha! You dey form professor for primary school? You go learn. Have u ever met the english speaking conductor? If not, enter more buses.

4) The Fake Bus Conductor – Chai! That awkward moment when you see a bus conductor calling passengers to a bus, you board it, and the conductor doesn’t follow the bus – fake conductor. Most times, these are boys of 14-20 years in age. They call conductors for a bus driver who tips them after the bus is full. Go to school boys, you are needed

5)The Driver-Conductor – this is so popular in lagos, especially on short journeys, trunk B roads and sometimes on the highways. These stingy men who doesn’t want to pay boys will drive and ask people to forward their fares to him like he’s a bank cashier!!! Funny enough, most of them are always on white hair, in their 60’s and who knows, make them no cause accident o.

That’s it, Lagos wahala has it all for you. Have you got any experience with conductors you want to share? Please comment below.

Why Holland has not won the World Cup

With the 2014 finals just around the corner, Goal is running a series looking at every major nation and analysing whether each can win the cup. Here we assess Holland

When a country makes it to the final of one World Cup, they are generally among the favourites to go all the way at the next tournament four years later. And when said team qualifies for that next World Cup by recording nine wins and one draw in the qualification campaign, there is usually no further discussion over whether they are among the teams to beat. Yet things are slightly different with Netherlands.
The Dutch hugely disappointed at Euro 2012 – where they crashed out at the group stages after defeats against Germany, Portugal and Denmark – and have since not only replaced head coach Bert van Marwijk with Louis van Gaal, but have completely overhauled their squad as well.
From the team that reached the final in South Africa, only seven players have made the cut again for this summer’s tournament, with just four of them expected to make Holland’s starting XI in Brazil – Nigel de Jong, Robin van Persie, Wesley Sneijder and Arjen Robben.
It’s therefore fair to say Netherlands are no longer the team they were four years ago, and expectations surrounding the team have changed, too. Holland might be one of only five countries to have made it to the World Cup final on at least three occasions – Brazil, Italy, Germany and Argentina being the other four – but they have still yet to lift the trophy and it seems unlikely that they will at last emerge victorious this summer.
Oranje might have arguably one of the best coaches in the world in Van Gaal – who has won domestic league titles in Netherlands, Spain and Germany – but there’s only so much a coach can do. The future Manchester United manager has a squad that seemingly lacks the quality to compete with the best teams in the world, prompting the 62-year-old to change Holland’s famous 4-3-3 formation to a more defensive 5-3-2.
“Netherlands are having a little bit more of a difficult time now than four years ago. We don’t have the 10 or 11 world-class players in our team like before. We have maybe three or four,” Holland legend Edwin van der Sar recently told

    “And those world-class players are getting older, so it’s about time that the young Dutch generation pick up the slack from the older ones and hopefully can achieve, first with their clubs and then the national team, a little more success than over the last three or four years.”

Holland’s impressive qualification campaign might suggest that Van der Sar’s comments are not an accurate reflection of the team’s strength, but there’s no denying that the Dutch starting XI this summer will not be as star-studded as at previous tournaments.
Although Jasper Cillessen has proven to be a good goalkeeper at Ajax this season, Oranje’s No.1 is by no means at the same level as the aforementioned Van der Sar was during his best years and the 25-year-old has very little experience at the highest level.
Cillessen’s C.V would have been less of a problem if Holland had some high-profile names in defence, yet their back five is rather inexperienced, too. Only Aston Villa centre-back Ron Vlaar plies his trade outside of the Dutch Eredivisie and even he plays for a relatively modest club. Daryl Janmaat, Stefan de Vrij and Bruno Martins Indi all have potential, but need at least a few more years to reach their peak.
In midfield, De Jong, Sneijder and Jonathan de Guzman all remain well-respected players, but the latter is by no means among the best in the world in his position, while De Jong and Sneijder are no longer at the level that saw them become key players for Oranje during the 2010 World Cup either.
The Dutch have plenty of quality in attack, though, and Van Gaal is well aware of Robben and Van Persie’s ability to single-handedly decide matches, having made them his only two “untouchables” after Kevin Strootman was ruled out of the World Cup due to injury.
“Only Van Persie and Robben are sure of their spot, but I’ve said that for a year and a half,” the Holland coach recently said about his 23-man squad.
With Schalke hitman Klaas-Jan Huntelaar and PSV wonderkid Memphis Depay ready to make an impact, too, attack seems to be the one area where Netherlands can still compete with the best.
Their prowess up-front does not make up for their vulnerability in defence, however, and Van Gaal’s men could face a tough task to even survive the group stages.
“Spain-Netherlands is a very tough opening game. Holland should be happy if they survive the groups. That would already be a good achievement and something I would be satisfied with,” Dutch hero Johan Cruyff stated last month.
Netherlands have plenty of promising youngsters to support their two true world-class players, yet this summer’s tournament will likely come too soon for the current crop of players. Another disappointing tournament could very well be on the cards for the 2010 World Cup runners-up following their Euro 2012 debacle.

POEM| #BringBackOurGirls By @PeterHaloway

Bring back our girls
We have waited too long
We have listened to your balderdash comments
And have endured immense impatience

Bring Back Our Girls
O! Nigeria, we cry unto thee
What haven’t we done?
From More Protests to More Letters and even many more petitions?

Like the thieve, they came
In camouflaged uniforms but in luxurious cars
To steal our future, our pride
To make mothers wail and to cry

Bring back our girls
Taken while having sweet nights in their hostels
To now become wives to syndicates
And forced to deny their religions

The Time has come, the 9th hour is here
We won’t sit and watch our future belittled
We will fight till the end,
Until this battle is won, We will never keep shut

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Video released by boko haram claiming to “sell the girls” – Download

Earlier this morning I posted something similar, now have gotten the video. Let me break it down.

The leader of Boko Haram sect, Imam Abubakar Shekau,
released a video today in which he claimed responsibility for
abducting the Nigerian school girls, and said he will soak all
Nigerian soil with Christian blood, and Muslims opposing them,
whom he described as infidels.
The video lasts 56 minutes and 58 seconds, and shows Iman
Shekau speaking from a script, surrounded by heavily armed
fighters, backed by an armored personnel carrier, and two
other armed vehicles.
Iman Shekau said, “I am the one that took your girls. Are you the
one that created the girls? I will sell them in the market. I have
my own market of selling human beings. It is Allah, the owner
that instructed me to sell. I will sell the girls.”
And he added, “It is Allah that instructed us, until we soak the
ground of Nigeria with Christian blood and so called Muslims
contradicting Islam. After we have killed, killed, killed, and get
fatigue and wondering on what to do with smelling of their
corpses, smelling of Obama, Bush and Jonathan worried us
then we will open prison and be imprisoned the rest. Infidels
have no value.”
234 Nigerian schoolgirls, aged between 15-18, were abducted
from a remote school in Chibok village, Borno State, in
Northeast Nigeria on April 15. The girls and young women came
from schools in Izge, Lassa, Ashigashiya and Warabe to do
final exams because other the schools were shut in Borno
state because of attacks by Boko Haram.
Iman Shekau said the sects friends are those in Afghanistan,
Mali, Yemen and Pakistan, and not those Arabs who just
bragged with their colors but deal with Americans and the
West. Shekau said there is slavery in Islam, contrary to his
critics, noting that Prophet Muhammed took slaves during Badr
war in Hejaz region of western Arabia in present day Saudi
Shekau said, “Just because I took girls in Western school they
are worried. I say they (the girls) should desert the school.
They should go and marry. Stupid people. Talking about human
rights and democracy. Nonsense. People that are doing same
sex marriage and saying they are leaders.”
And he added, “I will imprison Jonathan’s daughter, any one
that turn to Islam will be saved. For me anyone that embraces
Islam is my own. Stupid Jonathan, you will be surprise. Until the
land is soaked with blood.”
Later he said, “This is a war against Christians and democracy
and their constitution, we have not started, we will be in
Abuja, and in your state. This war is against Christians, I mean
Christians, generally the infidels. Allah says we should finish
them when we get them.”
Shekau boasted in the video that he has no business with
infidel’s money, “I have no time with your trillion. I am working
for Allah and will die for it. No one can stop me. You killed
Mohammed Yusuf. Are you not saying he is even better than
Shekau? Even if you kill me, other fighters will rise better than
me, I am nothing and worthless before Allah who I am working
for. You are sitting with Christians and saying we are one,
saying there is no difference. We are not one with infidels.”
Later he said, “It is a lie, in fact you suppose to wash and re-
wash a plate Christian eats food before you eat as Muslims.
You know all these things and you are contradicting Islam. Are
Christians the people we should play with? They killed us in
Shendam, Zangon Katab and all the places. It is either you are
with us or you are with them, and when we see you, we will
harvest your neck with knife.”
He cursed Islamic political leaders the late Malam Aminu Kano,
Abubakar Tafawa Balewa, and Islamic scholar, Usman Dan
Fodio as infidels for working and accepting democracy and
constitution, and added, “We are not ignorant of all that
The mass abduction three weeks ago, and the Nigerian
military’s failure to rescue the girls and young women, has
roused national and international outrage with protests in
major cities in Nigeria, and across the world.
A number of girls have escaped who said their captors
identified themselves as Boko Haram.
Nigerian Police Commissioner, Tanko Lawan told reporters the
number of escaped girls is 53.

Download Video

Boko Haram Leader Says He Will ‘Sell’ Abducted Nigerian Schoolgirls In Chilling Video

It is three weeks since the girls were
abducted and Boko Haram has
threatened to 'sell' them

It is three weeks since the girls were
abducted and Boko Haram has
threatened to ‘sell’ them

Boko Haram will “sell your girls in the market”,
the terrorist leader has vowed in a chilling video
message to parents of the kidnapped Nigerian
school girls
Abubakar Shekau, the leader of the Nigerian
Islamist group Boko Haram notorious for targeting schools,
claimed responsibility for the abduction of
hundreds of girls aged 16 to 18 from their
Borno state school in a video message released
by Agence France Press.

“I abducted your girls. I will sell them in the
market, by Allah,” Shekau said, according to the
news agency’s translation. “We are holding
people [as] slaves.”
The girls should be married, not in school, he
continued, according to the BBC.
“God instructed me to sell them, they are his
properties and I will carry out his instructions.”
Authorities searching for the missing girls say
dozens have escaped from their captors but
276 are still missing. They were taken three
weeks ago from their school in Chibok.
Last week, senior community leader Dr Pogu
Bitrus told Channel 4 News that he believed
many of the girls, who were mainly Christian,
were compelled to convert to Islam and
“forcibly married off with a bride price of just
2,000 Naira [less than ÂŁ10].” He did not cite
his sources.
But a different source, involved in the hostage
negotiations, told Channel 4 News that he
believes the girls will be returned safely for a
ransom. “It would not be hard to engineer a deal.
It looks like they want to release them,” he said.
As anger swells in Nigeria over the handling of
the case, and protest marches take place
across the nation, police arrested the leader of
a group that called on authorities to do more to
find the kidnapped girls.
Reuters reported that Naomi Mutah Nyadar had
been detained, suspected of falsely claiming
that one of the abducted girls was her
But local reports suggest the arrest was
connected with a meeting with Nigeria’s First
Lady Patience Jonathan, who had felt slighted
that the mothers of the girls did not come to
meet her, and were instead represented by
Mutah Nyadar, who is from the girls’ local Chibok
AP quoted community leader, Saratu Angus
Ndirpaya, as saying that Jonathan accused the
activists of fabricating the abductions in order
to smear her husband’s government.

“MUST READ: Presidential Media Chat: Some of the ‘unbelievable’ things our president said last night”

The 7th edition of the Presidential Media Chat has
come to an end. A burning issue discussed is the missing school girls. President Jonathan said wherever the girls
are, the military would get them. He said security
personnel are working round the clock to rescue the
girls and also pleaded with parents and guardians of
the missing girls to cooperate with them to get the girls
freed. He said no negotiation has taken place because
no one or group has claimed responsibility for the
kidnapping.On reports of them being married off, the
president said “To who?”. He said the Principal of the school told him that 53 of the girls have escaped from the kidnappers.

On people comparing the Niger Delta militants with Boko
men, he said the BH men are faceless and so
makes it difficult to even have discussions with them.
He said he first met Niger Delta warlords like Asari
Dokubo in the state house in a meeting called by former
Pres. Olusegun Obasanjo and the militant leaders were
there to lay down their grieviances. He said Boko Haram
men are terrorists as their ideology is different from
that of the Niger Delta militants as those ones do not
go about bombing market places and killing people. He
said a lot more. Please continue…

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On rumours of helicopters dropping food stuff for boko haram members, he said no one has come out with
pictures to authenticate these claims. He said “One
does not need network to take pictures” but no one
has been able to take any picture showing helicopters
dropping foodstuff’.

On why his government hasn’t dared to go to Sambisa Forest where Boko Haram men are believed to be
staying, GeJ said “If I go there or send any of my
ministers they will just kill you.”

On the Federal Governments directive of schools and
Government offices to shut down during the World
Economic Forum Africa which is to hold from
Wednesday 7th to Friday 9th, he said the move was
needful so as to control free flow of traffic. He said
Nigeria is not the first place to do such and that when
he was in Netherland for the Nuclear summit, some
institutions were shut down during the course of the
summit. He said that places like Davos where the World
Economic summit takes place cannot close down
institutions because every year the WEF takes place
there and the place has been designed to host the
world yearly. He said private enterprises were not
compelled to close down but are only advised to close
down so as to help traffic free flow. (See scope)

On seeking international help for the security challenges
Nigeria is facing, Pres. Jonathan said he has reached out
to Pres. Obama twice on the matter and security
personnel from America were sent down to Nigeria. He
also said he has reached out to the Presidents of
France, China and other neighboring countries such as
Cameroon, Ghana and Benin republic for assistance. On
some Northern Governors visit to the US, he said it is
not a Federal Government arrangement. He said he is
always pained whenever he hears any Nigerian passes
on as a result of the madness called Boko Haram.
On the Rebasing figures and unemployment, Pres.
Jonathan said even with the Economy rebasing, Nigerian
Government cannot employ everyone but would only
create the best environment for the private sector to
excel. He said it was a good thing for Nigeria to be
hosting the WEF Africa and said according to the
Minister of Finance, Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, visitors for
the WEF Africa have began to show interest in
investing in Nigeria.
On the alleged missing $20b, Pres Jonathan said its
now a phenomenon for any government in power in
Nigeria to record a story of missing funds. He said with
the money being claimed to be missing, such moneies
would no doubt have adverse effect on the economy.
He said if such amount of money is missing, America
would know about it and said nobody should deceive

On Minister of Petroleum Dieziani Alison Madueke going
to court to stop investigations on the N10b private jet
scandal, Pres Jonathan said he is not aware she’s gone
to court. He said as a Minister, she has spent more of
her time appearing before the parliament than doing her
job and said it appears there is a case of parliamentary
dictatorship by the members of the house of
Representatives. He said they are all politicians and so
would also bring politics into their activities. He said he
does not see Dieziani as being corrupt and so cannot
drop her as a Minister. According to him, there is nothing
wrong in her hiring private jets and that other Ministers
and politicians also hire private jets.

On his declaration to run again, he said he believes that
is not what is important to Nigerians. He said security,
food etc are the things on the minds of Nigerians and
also said the PDP which is the “Champion, one with the
cup” is waiting for the opposition to field their
candidates so that the PDP would know who they are
up against.
On claims that he said Boko Haram has infiltrated his
cabinet, he said he never made such a comment, and
that the way journalists twist words makes one
wonder sometimes. He said what he said was that
Boko Haram has infiltrated the Government which is
made up of the Judiciary, Executive and the
Parliamentary. He said he never said they have
infiltrated his cabinet which is made up of the Vice
President and the Ministers.
On the strike by Polytechnic lecturers, he said “we are
handling it”.

On the recommendations that would come out from the
ongoing National CONFAB, he promised that whatever
recommendations from the confab would not be
While ending the chat, Pres. Jonathan pleaded with the
Parents and Guardians of the missing Chibok girls to
come out with the identities of the missing girls. He said
with the list from WAEC, its obvious that most of
them, about 90% are Christians. He pleaded with the
parents to cooperate with security agents.

Some of the funny comments he made
* “I don’t know where they are… there is no
confirmation of the location of the schoolgirls, you are
a journalist, you know more than me.”
* “If I exercise 40/50% of my powers, Nigerians
would say I am a dictator. Some African leaders who
used only 60 were condemned as dictators”
* “I assure you that we will get the girls out but we can
only do it with the co-operation of their parents and
* “Over 70% of what they call corruption in Nigeria, is
mere common theft. The word corruption is being
abused, it’s just mere theft.”
* “Even when I’m in church I am monitoring what is
happening. Anytime I get reports of an attack
somewhere… my face will change immediately… my
expression will change. It used to happen every Sunda
* “Anytime I hear of any one Nigerian dies I feel pained…
even if it’s a Boko Haram member – I am their
* “Pakistan terrorists have been fighting terrorism for
over 10 years now so it’s not something that a 6
months State of Emergency can solve.”
* “The Petroleum Minister has appeared before the
Parliament for over 200 days… in the Nigerian
Parliament you’ll agree with me that there is more
politics than work.”
* “People have been confusing corruption with stealing.
If public officers steal money they term it under
* “PDP is the champion. We are the ones holding the
belt. We are waiting to see the challenger”
* “The popular Nollywood wasn’t captured in the
assessment of the economy as Africa’s strongest’
* “If Sanusi hadn’t been suspended he would have
come up with a different figure… If anyone steals $50
billion or $20 billion anywhere America will know, they
will tell you where it is; it is their money.”

Finally, I see no difference between president Jonathan and his wife.



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