The Lagos Bus Conductors


The traditional Molue which in yoruba means “I’ll Beat You”

Haha! Lagos again! If you’ve been in lagos for years and you’ve never met a mad bus conductor, then you need to relocate *Laughs* 🙂 even if you father is rich, one day, your car will break down and you will need a commuter bus to get to where you are going (plain truth)

Today on Lagos Wahala, am taking a look at the categories of lagos commuter bus conductors we have and I hope you’ve met them all and find it interesting.

1) The Gentleman Conductor – They are rare to see them, but ehya, think again, its cause you don’t know how to identify them. If you see an Ibo boy who’s new to Lagos and speaks too much english in the bus, that’s a gentleman conductor. They are mostly fresh meat in the business with cool voices and slow attitude to work. Most importantly, they usually drop cash for bus-stop hoodlums since they can’t argue or even fight

2) The One-Eyed Sunday Conductor – Ha! In secondary school, we read a book titled One-Eyed Sunday and I think the name speaks for itself. These are the experienced yoruba boys opposite in nature to the Gentlemen. Their voice are like Louis Armstrongs own, so thick that you can’t differentiate if he’s speaking or squeaking. They usually know how to start a clash as abuses aren’t far from their mouth. They are the troublesome ones. Point a N1000 note to him on a monday morning and he will roast you alive,

    “You no hear when I say enter with change? Oga park well o, I no be ashawo”

3) The Over-Intelligent conductor – Hahaha! You dey form professor for primary school? You go learn. Have u ever met the english speaking conductor? If not, enter more buses.

4) The Fake Bus Conductor – Chai! That awkward moment when you see a bus conductor calling passengers to a bus, you board it, and the conductor doesn’t follow the bus – fake conductor. Most times, these are boys of 14-20 years in age. They call conductors for a bus driver who tips them after the bus is full. Go to school boys, you are needed

Finally….
5)The Driver-Conductor – this is so popular in lagos, especially on short journeys, trunk B roads and sometimes on the highways. These stingy men who doesn’t want to pay boys will drive and ask people to forward their fares to him like he’s a bank cashier!!! Funny enough, most of them are always on white hair, in their 60’s and who knows, make them no cause accident o.

That’s it, Lagos wahala has it all for you. Have you got any experience with conductors you want to share? Please comment below.

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