40 years ago – My Dad married my mum, 40 years now – Its hard to marry a woman.
That’s what goes on in the mind of every Nigerian male in the age category of marriage. Even though it sounds funny, its the truth. If they say, “he who finds a wife has found a good thing” is true, its not going to ever be given more importance in its lifespan than now.
I would sit in patience as my retired Dad would tell me of the “tales of Aladdin” he went on just to marry my mum. According to him, “Your mum was very stubborn.” Ha yes, that’s the keyword, stubborn. He never meant she was strong headed, he meant she give him a tough time before considering him. Now, in the 21st century, the reverse is the case, we now say, “She cheap die”
Back in those days, there were more than one reason to be married, one which was most important was to have children, but also to become a supporting pillar to the man. Yoruba traditions stipulate that a woman must respect her husband all the time, no wonder there’s a popular pet name among Yoruba couples, “Olowo ori mi” (the one that paid my bride price). My Retired papa would continue his story, and started telling me of how soft and sumptuous mums Pounded yam always tasted, using the wooden pestle and mortar she got as a gift from her mum. Of how she helped to was his clothes whenever he was busy and couldn’t do it himself and so on. He also said vice versa of him helping her, especially been a cook for about 2 months before the birth of their first son.
40 years on, the story has changed.
Most Nigerian women who are now seen as ‘girls of nowadays’ have become a lover to career than marriage. Ask a 22-Year old lady what characteristics she want in her man, she would say, “tall, handsome, sweet voice, a nice job, owns a house and maybe a car” did my mum or grand mum ask for that? If I Hear! That’s probably the reason for unmarried men at 33 or 35. When I met a female pal too, I asked her if she would go into marriage immediately after her first degree, immediately, she said, “Job first, get a house to stay, be self dependant then I can now think of marriage” I nodded my head in dramatic Irony, like, “when menopause has set in, don’t call me”
When ladies want a man to get well rooted in financial rivers before marriage, it does no one good except the man. If after 9 years of marriage and 3 kids, he sends you out because of a little argument, don’t argue or blame him, at least, you didn’t build the house together, why do you now want to live in it together. Its like a woman who hasn’t planted a seed but wants to harvest 90 bags of grain.
Many ladies, if not all, now pursue career than having a family. If they don’t have a nice job, they want a man with a nice job. No wonder we see most men getting married at age 30’s and above and most women who can’t find a man because of their wide selection criterias end up single mothers with their toy boys, after all, they now have the career they wanted but no man to make a family.
In conclusion, I respect the decisions of our ladies, but it would favour you and I if you can review those decisions to one which is more flexible. At least, by then we men can get married at the right age, not building an empire before seeing a queen.
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